And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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