She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
