so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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