my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
that's an acceptable place to lick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
