the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
