if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
zippers are such a cool invention
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
