You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
