Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
