how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
