no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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