wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
