ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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