hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
