bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
