New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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