1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My hand turned me down
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
