Only a mothe r could love this liver
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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