Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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