mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just had sex on a roof
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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