Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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