Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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