I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
