Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize