Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
