The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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