Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
