Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
