dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
