I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
