fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
