They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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