Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
