Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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