Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize