fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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