Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I met the friendliest cop last night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
