Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize