To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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