Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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