youre lurking in front of me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
