he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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