i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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