Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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