this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
