At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
