you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize