Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
