It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
