Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
