it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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