and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
