Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
