If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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