Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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