I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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