fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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