well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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