I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
