Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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