im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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