When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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