I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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