remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
only you would photoshop your dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
