thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
