I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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