Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
