That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
