New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
