Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
