Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
