We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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