I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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