Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
