Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
