Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
