So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
