3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
