Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
