If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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