i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
