I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
