I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
