Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
