Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
