if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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