Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
