Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
