I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
