There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
