Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
