please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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