TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
