In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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