apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
