I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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