You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
