My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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