Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
