Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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