she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
