Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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